Sep 1st 2015. My life came to a standstill! I was no longer working with my dream company. I sacrificed my career and aspirations for personal commitments after working for more than 10 years.
I asked myself-is it really worth it? To lose your identity and just become a one in million? My heart ached and told me that I may not have been wise this time. I should have given it more thought before quitting my satisfying job. Or was I really satisfied with my job? Ohh! I just cannot see myself to be a Fulltime MOM (just like the way my mother was) and not having a goal in life. What about all the excitement that I derived from the job? Overcoming the challenges and exceeding your deliverables seems to be more fulfilling then just being a homemaker. However , here I am sitting(after sending kids to school and seeing off hubby) in the morning of the first day of my Non-working profile ,feeling sad and miserable. All my close office friends(or colleagues) must be rushing to office with a promise to achieve the goal/target of the day. And I felt , I have nothing to reach out to. Life just started looking dull & boring.
ACHIEVEMENT- isn’t the term strives us to work hard and become successful? You slog yourself so hard at work that you almost forget spending time with your dear ones. Social Life takes a backseat and Professional Life comes to the forefront. You live by the work deadlines and may miss out the little deadlines of your kid’s school. You apologize to your kids and move on without looking at your child’s face. You feel guilty but give yourself an excuse that it was that maddening office schedule which keeps you from fulfilling your deliverables at HOME. You are not a good cook and expect your family to adjust since you have been working really hard. You yearn so much for a holiday and an outing with kids & hubby. You take a much planned break from work and always feel sad to join back as you really enjoyed the love and affection which the kids poured out on you. You always tell yourself that very soon , you will like to quit and be there with your family. You will help your kids with their homework, projects and organise your ever scattered house when you are finally Home.
And yet, when I got what I wanted , I did not seem to be happy. I could not enjoy the New Found Freedom. I was so used to my over demanding Boss expectations that I could not enjoy the slow pace of finishing my household chores. I felt lazy and kept on postponing work. As a result , My house was still a chaos and so was my life.
Life@HOME– I always wanted to be with kids and enjoy their growing up years. Being a mother of 2 extremely hyper and naughty boys, the enjoyment does not comes easy. I was extremely patient with my peers and Boss at work , however, always ready to burst with anger at Home. I was not able to match up with my kids energy levels. How I tried hard to meet my Boss’s liking and expectations. I engaged myself in Kids studies, trying to tackle behavioral issues I faced with my elder son.Tried teaching good manners to the younger son, constantly shielded both boys from their daily fights. Tried to teach them discipline of Time. Taught my helper how to perfectly execute her odd tasks. Googled for new recipes to offer kids some different cuisines other than the normal Indian Dal & Roti food. Tried honing my culinary skills. Enrolled my elder one for evening Karate Class . Drove them to their favorite hangout place – India Gate(New Delhi). Made my To Do list and strive hard to meet my daily deliverable. Phew! I was exhausted , but not happy as a I would have been with a fulfilling day at work. I was frustrated with the mundane duties at home. I started approaching Depression. Oh! how I hated to see my boys shout and howl at each other. I was unable to manage the ever-increasing tantrums of my boys. Why can’t they behave well like other kids do and so on. The cribbing list was increasing day by day.
Office & Home . Occasionally, I used to see my colleagues having fun at work and I felt miserable. I completely forgot how difficult it was for me to have fun after office hours. I always used to rush home to be with kids and Office parties seemed to be such a burden. I tried to be in touch with most of my close office friends. Apparently , they turned out to be not so close(they hardly cared reverting to my messages). I blamed their indifference to my leaving job. If I was working, I would have still be sharing gossips and laughing with them over a cup of Coffee. Ohh , how I miss those times. I missed sharing pics with office friends on social networking sites. I was wasting my time as a Homemaker where others were doing something worthwhile in Life(Sulk!). Life went on for 4 months as a gloomy unhappy woman who was forced to be home.
REALIZATION dawned – Life has its odd way of telling you that what you have is the best thing .Appreciate it! All of a sudden my younger one became quite ill. For a month and a half I nurtured him madly to ensure that he regained his health soon. Weekly visits to doctors , Routine blood tests , Ultrasound and X-rays, spending hours at doc’s clinic , sleepless nights taught me to be thankful to God. Every thing happens for a reason and if it hadn’t been for not working, I could not have been able to nurture my child well!During the days he was ill, I missed his shouting and fighting with his elder brother, I missed their playing and jumping and dancing on my bed.I missed their constant chattering. Thank God I was HOME! For first time I felt happy to be home.My elder son was awarded Yellow belt in Kick Boxing and Karate. His first award out of school. He felt so confident and motivated. His academics grades were fantastic. He was keen to do better in next term. His teachers stopped complaining and suddenly praises were pouring on. I felt relieved. His behavioral problems started reducing. I noticed that my elder one missed being listened to. Though we live in a joint family set up, he could never connect to his grand parents as he does with us. Sharing his day activities and observations and pouring out his heart to me was opening him up. I slowly started becoming his dear friend.
Yes, I am HAPPY TO BE HOME- I was able to satisfy the curious nature of my elder one – thanks to Google. We started connecting. No more I miss his school deadlines. We develop this bedtime story session and both my boys are gradually getting used to Reading. We now regularly engage in outdoor activities , badminton, cycling , strolling , nature walk and so on. My kids love the variety in the weekly Meals.
Today , I realize that my biggest deliverable is to turn my boys into a humble person , being able to take right decisions for themselves. I now have time at hand to channelized their ever inquisitive nature into right direction. Not only this , I have been able to give my life a new meaning. I discovered the art of Blogging which otherwise I would have never taken to. I have also explored various work from home options. By God’s Grace , I may become an Entrepreneur soon. I have taken to Yoga which I wanted to do but never had time during my professional life. I contribute to society welfare during my free weekends by teaching children living on street .Positive healing has helped me to realize that Life could not have been better than today with all the knowledge , love , freedom and space I get.
Yes, I am Happy to switch from 5 days a week to 7 days a week in pursuit of a Fulfilling career which Destiny has chosen for me.